I hate the flu, i fucking hate it so much that i wish i could just curl up into a tiny ball and roll into the middle of the earth and burn alive. It's honestly that annoying. I also don't like to be around people with cold's or flu either because they are never considerate! They never cover their mouths or blow their noses, they just proceed to go ahead and snort it up back into their throats and they sound like chewbaca getting raped violently by boabafett (Not sure if thats the right spelling). That sound haunts me at night.
I've decided to carry a box of Klenex around with me from now on even when i don't have the cold so when I'm with someone that decides to hawk their disgusting horrible mucus sacs back into their throats ill offer them a tissue so i don't have to put myself through that pain. Its not being nice, its for their own safety so i don't have to slice their face's open and shovel out all that gunk from their nose myself.
Not sure what else to write....Christmas is here in a few days, although it would be kind of hard not to realise that since Christmas has been slapping all of us in the face since the 1st of November. What a bunch of bastards the media are, not only can you not escape the Television, Radio and any other form of media that you have to buy gifts for your snotty children or snotty girlfriend or just snotty family, but even Convenience stores with their OWN Radio station have the Christmas songs blaring! And what makes it worse is the fact that I've worked in a convenience store before, and that bastard is on a loop, a fucking 4 hour loop of non stop christmas songs, that means if i had to work an 8 hour shift, all the customers would be fucking slaughtered and stuffed in a racking right next to the christmas fucking pudding which also tastes like salted spit.
Maybe it tastes like Chewbaca's rape?
Conclusion:
Colds and flu's are shit
And Christmas Radio is a cause for national safety.
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Monday, 21 November 2011
Love - The horrible, never ending feeling of pain and dispair....and chocolates.
Oh love. What a joyous feeling, birds are singing and the grass is greener than usual, and sex is not that bad either.
On the other hand it is the most depressing horrible thing i could ever possibly think of. People in love are nasty. Just nasty people. They make single people feel inadequate. I suppose to a point single people are, no chocolates to buy, cards, gifts, christmas presents, or little i love you trinkets. That money just goes to alcohol, which leads to nights out, then leads to awkwardly leaning in the corner of a club dancing like a parkinsons disease victim trying to talk to women but cant because you arent wearing the latest £30 boxers from Holister.
What happened to good old fashioned girlfriend and boyfriend relationships? I think the last time i had one of those was when i was 10...and even then i ended up getting married to the girl next door in a somewhat cheap ceremony in the back of her grandmothers house with my mother and her mother watching while i awkwardly shifted from side to side nearly pissing myself with sheer embarassment. Yes even at that age i knew love was stupid.
Not to say i have never loved someone before because i have, but when that ended we didnt become friends. I stayed the same and she became a cunt...why do women do that?! what is the need?
At this point i would like to say i feel like a hate camel, and if you have not heard of one of those animals, its someone who try's a few things once every year just to justify their hate for it. I do look for love every year (i never find it) but i do become smug as fuck with myself when valentines day rolls around. I could guess there are probably more suicides in that day than any other in the year...and Thortons are to blame
Yes thats right, Thorntons, that lovely little cute chocolate and card shop who's only goal in life is to make people's lifes that bit sweeter...When really its a vicious little shop of whores who package hopes and dreams into clingfilm and cardboard boxes and envelopes, BUT! You feel compelled to go into this horrible chocolatey abyss of hatred and self loathing to see what goods are on offer so you can bribed your love one to maybe try and love your pathetic self for one more year. Of course when you dont see anything that would suit your one and only, the looks that you get from the Satan spawn helpers could rip your heart out worse than any cheating spouse or boy/girlfriend ever could.
Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are the way forward. Leave love out of it, unless you really are, in that case i say by all means go for it, and good luck to you. For the rest of us miserable singletons, we shall keep hating your guts
For ever and ever
Amen
Summary: People in love are sniffiling little cocklicks and single people are angry depressed annoying wankers. You just cant win.
On the other hand it is the most depressing horrible thing i could ever possibly think of. People in love are nasty. Just nasty people. They make single people feel inadequate. I suppose to a point single people are, no chocolates to buy, cards, gifts, christmas presents, or little i love you trinkets. That money just goes to alcohol, which leads to nights out, then leads to awkwardly leaning in the corner of a club dancing like a parkinsons disease victim trying to talk to women but cant because you arent wearing the latest £30 boxers from Holister.
What happened to good old fashioned girlfriend and boyfriend relationships? I think the last time i had one of those was when i was 10...and even then i ended up getting married to the girl next door in a somewhat cheap ceremony in the back of her grandmothers house with my mother and her mother watching while i awkwardly shifted from side to side nearly pissing myself with sheer embarassment. Yes even at that age i knew love was stupid.
Not to say i have never loved someone before because i have, but when that ended we didnt become friends. I stayed the same and she became a cunt...why do women do that?! what is the need?
At this point i would like to say i feel like a hate camel, and if you have not heard of one of those animals, its someone who try's a few things once every year just to justify their hate for it. I do look for love every year (i never find it) but i do become smug as fuck with myself when valentines day rolls around. I could guess there are probably more suicides in that day than any other in the year...and Thortons are to blame
Yes thats right, Thorntons, that lovely little cute chocolate and card shop who's only goal in life is to make people's lifes that bit sweeter...When really its a vicious little shop of whores who package hopes and dreams into clingfilm and cardboard boxes and envelopes, BUT! You feel compelled to go into this horrible chocolatey abyss of hatred and self loathing to see what goods are on offer so you can bribed your love one to maybe try and love your pathetic self for one more year. Of course when you dont see anything that would suit your one and only, the looks that you get from the Satan spawn helpers could rip your heart out worse than any cheating spouse or boy/girlfriend ever could.
Girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are the way forward. Leave love out of it, unless you really are, in that case i say by all means go for it, and good luck to you. For the rest of us miserable singletons, we shall keep hating your guts
For ever and ever
Amen
Summary: People in love are sniffiling little cocklicks and single people are angry depressed annoying wankers. You just cant win.
Saturday, 23 July 2011
JAYSUS
I haven't been here in a while...i'll update it for myself in a day or so since im the only one that reads it.
Sunday, 1 May 2011
Christians, Summer and sweating.
Ah christians...every so often you seem to make yourselves known again, its almost like you go away for a period of time so all of the demons and fun people can run rampant on the world, then you come back with your awful cardboard signs making sure to let us know that we are going to go to a warm place where sin is commonplace and a man with a pitchfork strolls around telling minions what to do....well...i must say that sounds honestly terrifying, i hope the nasty red man doesnt give me a cocktail to go with my warm jaccuzi, that would just be horrible.
More to the point though, everyone else will apparently go to hell and burn for eternity for not believing in god or sinning but yet the Christians get a free pass if they carry out war in the name of Jesus and god? Wow...the double standard that these guys have is truly numbing. Id rather pull my fingernails out with pliers and use a crucifix as an anal masturbation object than become that hypocritical. Hating people because they are gay, bisexual, black, Muslim, any other religious beliefs or followings is totally the way to show god that your spreading your love, you fucking arrogant pig snouts, id love to get you all in one room and roast your nipples with an electric car cable and pour 3 month old piss into your eyes and dance like an Aborigine around your little decrepit bodies...AUGHHHHH.
On a lighter note...Summer is right around the corner which is always a great time of year for me because i get to sweat like a pedophile looking at children's story books. Its a love/hate thing with myself and summer because as much as i love the sunshine, i hate the sweating and the uncomfortable feeling that my feet get when they are enclosed in my plastic tombs. Skin starts coming off the sole of my foot and my toes look like sausage rolls that have been dunked in water and left to ferment.
On the bright side, nice weather and cocktails are strife during the summer, which certainly suits me down to the ground, i love beer gardens and beer and well...more beer i suppose. The only other thing i hate about summer is Belfast city.
Its full of people, as you can probably tell im not that much of a people person, but i mean it really does take the piss. Its like your playing a constant game of space invaders when walking through belfast in July, Constantly trying to dodge prams and teenage girls who have so much fake tan on their skin that if you brush ever so slightly up against them its almost certain that your going to die from cancer by next year.
In a Nutshell, Christians are hypocrites, Summer can sort of be fun and i have sausage rolls for toes.
More to the point though, everyone else will apparently go to hell and burn for eternity for not believing in god or sinning but yet the Christians get a free pass if they carry out war in the name of Jesus and god? Wow...the double standard that these guys have is truly numbing. Id rather pull my fingernails out with pliers and use a crucifix as an anal masturbation object than become that hypocritical. Hating people because they are gay, bisexual, black, Muslim, any other religious beliefs or followings is totally the way to show god that your spreading your love, you fucking arrogant pig snouts, id love to get you all in one room and roast your nipples with an electric car cable and pour 3 month old piss into your eyes and dance like an Aborigine around your little decrepit bodies...AUGHHHHH.
On a lighter note...Summer is right around the corner which is always a great time of year for me because i get to sweat like a pedophile looking at children's story books. Its a love/hate thing with myself and summer because as much as i love the sunshine, i hate the sweating and the uncomfortable feeling that my feet get when they are enclosed in my plastic tombs. Skin starts coming off the sole of my foot and my toes look like sausage rolls that have been dunked in water and left to ferment.
On the bright side, nice weather and cocktails are strife during the summer, which certainly suits me down to the ground, i love beer gardens and beer and well...more beer i suppose. The only other thing i hate about summer is Belfast city.
Its full of people, as you can probably tell im not that much of a people person, but i mean it really does take the piss. Its like your playing a constant game of space invaders when walking through belfast in July, Constantly trying to dodge prams and teenage girls who have so much fake tan on their skin that if you brush ever so slightly up against them its almost certain that your going to die from cancer by next year.
In a Nutshell, Christians are hypocrites, Summer can sort of be fun and i have sausage rolls for toes.
Sunday, 24 April 2011
Stopping smoking and snobs
I see its been a while since i put a post up here. Probably because im the only one that reads them and this blog space of mine is pretty much like a personal account of my flaws in myself and humanity. Excellent.
I stopped smoking yesterday. I could say i feel liberated and refreshed and that this is the start of a brand new era, but Im not going to and ill just be honest.
I hate everyone, you, your mother, my friends, your friends. Its so hard, and of course you have non-smokers acting like Jesus Christ's left testicle with such words of comfort as "Well if you didn't start you wouldn't have this problem". Well gee, thank you very much you little pretentious little prick, "If you didn't breathe then i wouldn't have to listen to your asinine comments about my choices in life". If i wanted to be in the presence of a big prick, i would use a pump on myself.
People like you is why i smoke, its probably why anyone smokes to be honest, we have more fun than you anyway. Or should i say...i USED to have more fun than you...now i am one of you...it sickens me.
Snobs have been on my awareness lately. It seems that when summer comes around they seem to crawl out of the social woodwork and make themselves known, like a dog whos proud that it took a shit on the floor or a cat who sprayed its piss all over a wall.
You know the type of people im talking about. The blonde haired, summer dress wankers who drive their cars top down and wear sunglasses that Michael Jackson would be proud of. Oh and the fact that they justify Magners as a posh cider all because they added a pint glass and some ice. Cider is for tramps who sit on a bench and smell faintly of piss and eggs.
To summarize = I've become a non smoker, thus becoming disappointed in myself and snobs drink piss and egg orientated alcohol.
I stopped smoking yesterday. I could say i feel liberated and refreshed and that this is the start of a brand new era, but Im not going to and ill just be honest.
I hate everyone, you, your mother, my friends, your friends. Its so hard, and of course you have non-smokers acting like Jesus Christ's left testicle with such words of comfort as "Well if you didn't start you wouldn't have this problem". Well gee, thank you very much you little pretentious little prick, "If you didn't breathe then i wouldn't have to listen to your asinine comments about my choices in life". If i wanted to be in the presence of a big prick, i would use a pump on myself.
People like you is why i smoke, its probably why anyone smokes to be honest, we have more fun than you anyway. Or should i say...i USED to have more fun than you...now i am one of you...it sickens me.
Snobs have been on my awareness lately. It seems that when summer comes around they seem to crawl out of the social woodwork and make themselves known, like a dog whos proud that it took a shit on the floor or a cat who sprayed its piss all over a wall.
You know the type of people im talking about. The blonde haired, summer dress wankers who drive their cars top down and wear sunglasses that Michael Jackson would be proud of. Oh and the fact that they justify Magners as a posh cider all because they added a pint glass and some ice. Cider is for tramps who sit on a bench and smell faintly of piss and eggs.
To summarize = I've become a non smoker, thus becoming disappointed in myself and snobs drink piss and egg orientated alcohol.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Old people, Ques, and the smell of urine
Have you ever noticed when your in the que in a supermarket there are at least five or six old people piled to the front and back of you. Its almost like your sandwitched between coffin fodder and you cant escape, the smell of the grave is lightly tingling your nostris.
This is not to say i have a problem with old people but i do when im close enough to them to smell the denchure cream and urine, eminating from them like the last remanding light of their long saggy life. The other day i was talking to a friend of mine in my class about the subject of old people and she said that they looked "cute".
Now i don't know about you, but i don't find saggy skin, piss, fake teeth, white hair, the smell of soggy biscuits and erectile dysfunction cute at all. Its actually quite depressing. My parents would say, you should look forward to getting old! No more work, you can have someone look after you for the remainder of your years. Yeah because that's what i look forward to when i'm about to die, a piss bag and not having the hassle of wiping my own ass. I could easily enjoy that right now if i hit my head hard enough on something solid.
I just don't know, i dont think most normal people have these thoughts just from standing in a que in the supermarket. Im standing there with quite a heafty basket of items, heavy enough that it would snap grandfather times arm in front of me off. But as i can see as my eyes slowly stroll the checkout counter, the mid range 25 - 40 year olds have the same amount as i, but yet take less time than Old farmer jack with ONE can of rice pudding scuffling for his change to pay for it because he has bad eyesight. It would make more sense to use your time wisely by maybe getting the correct change out before coming to the spotty greasy haired assistant who's looks could slice through that old man's decrepid heart like butter off a scone.
Old people aren't so bad...Just as long as they can be transported to their own island at the age of 60.
This is not to say i have a problem with old people but i do when im close enough to them to smell the denchure cream and urine, eminating from them like the last remanding light of their long saggy life. The other day i was talking to a friend of mine in my class about the subject of old people and she said that they looked "cute".
Now i don't know about you, but i don't find saggy skin, piss, fake teeth, white hair, the smell of soggy biscuits and erectile dysfunction cute at all. Its actually quite depressing. My parents would say, you should look forward to getting old! No more work, you can have someone look after you for the remainder of your years. Yeah because that's what i look forward to when i'm about to die, a piss bag and not having the hassle of wiping my own ass. I could easily enjoy that right now if i hit my head hard enough on something solid.
I just don't know, i dont think most normal people have these thoughts just from standing in a que in the supermarket. Im standing there with quite a heafty basket of items, heavy enough that it would snap grandfather times arm in front of me off. But as i can see as my eyes slowly stroll the checkout counter, the mid range 25 - 40 year olds have the same amount as i, but yet take less time than Old farmer jack with ONE can of rice pudding scuffling for his change to pay for it because he has bad eyesight. It would make more sense to use your time wisely by maybe getting the correct change out before coming to the spotty greasy haired assistant who's looks could slice through that old man's decrepid heart like butter off a scone.
Old people aren't so bad...Just as long as they can be transported to their own island at the age of 60.
I feel this is better than Kesha's original version
Wake up in the morning feeling like Die Furher, Write mein kampf Tell Germany im gonna make race purer!, Before i leave, fuck my neice with Eva Brun too, Cuz when i leave Mein Reich im gonna kill some jews
Im talkin takin off all their clothes clothes
gassin them till they choke choke
thrownin them in some stoves stoves
Goose steppin into all your cities, spreadin the nazi party, tryin to take over your countryyyyyyy
Dont stop, make em drop, Nazi's blow your cities up tonight, they gonna fight, till you give in to the reich.
I got bored and stopped writing, more later
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