Valentines day

Valentines day, otherwise known as:

Hallmark day
Chocolates day
Ungrateful fuckers day
Buy my love day
I'll not talk to you if don't buy me this day
No sex for you because your cheap day
NO, THERE WILL BE NO ANAL FOR YOU TONIGHT day

I feel i have to shower you with gifts on this day only and not on any other day of the year..day.

Im going to say this straight off the bat here, No, i do not have any problem with any couple at all. Not one. Im happy for the people that are in relationships and have found what they have been looking for and realise love feeds of nothing but kindness and caring and a wanting to be each others everything. (Que some Whitney Huston)...too soon? Nope.

However, "Couples" and i put that word in quotation marks in this instance, that feel the need to shower their "loved" ones with chocolates, flowers, money, jewellery, dinners, stupid edible underwear and little trinkets for one particular day of the year that is governed by selfishness, greediness and insecurity are the most disgusting, vile, wretched cunts ever born into this world

Its disheartening that the concept of Valentines day (Which actually doesn't sound to bad on paper) has turned into nothing more than a competition between two horribly self involved people trying to out do each other by buying each other superficial presents in order to make each other happy, why not do it randomly a few days a year, why does it have to be the day when cards and chocolates and whatever are deliberately more expensive? That does not make sense? Fucking wait until AFTER Valentines day, everything is lower in price and its a better idea since we are in a recession.

But obviously that wouldn't be good enough because it wasn't expensive. If you seriously have to buy things for your girlfriend or boyfriend to make sure that they don't huff and moan at you for one day then you have bigger problems than having a dickheadish wanker for a partner.

I tried doing valentines day one time with a girlfriend and it was possibly the worst experience of my life, the restaurant is crowed and the feeling of over pleasing and the smell of hair spray and expensive aftershave is so pungent i was pretty sure i was starting to phase out and reach a level of drug abuse I've never experienced before. The food was the same as any other day, the only difference was it put a very big smile on my ex girlfriends face, and what annoyed me the most was she wasn't even the most product centred person!!, but because i did this stuff for her on a day that was marked as "spend all your money on this woman so she will hopefully spend a longer amount of time with you" day (i should have put this at the top) she was so happy.



It made me feel a bit sick. Obviously not because it made her happy but because thats what it took to do it.

Your basically buying love. Love should be a universal oneness between two people (That sounds very self righteous and bob marley-esque) but fuck it, its the truth. Real love does not expect or need presents for a particular time of the year. Does it not say something about the type of person you are with that you need to lavish them just so they don't feel sad? That is some deep psychological shit going on there.

Thorntons, Clintons, Lush, Boots and small convenience stores are the churches set up for this horrible 24 hour drama fest. Husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends all rushing, worrying and sometimes maybe crying to get something expensive so that their "better" half's don't fall out with them. Fucking get over yourselves.

The only people i feel sorry for? The single people. Not because they are bitter or lonely or have a hope of finding love on this particularly shitty day, but because its in their face. I mean, its really shoved in their face like a disgusting practical joke, they are made to feel less of a person because someone doesn't love them on this day, and your probably thinking, "huh yeah but uh, they feel that all of the time dude" and thats true they might.

However, people that have no one are surrounded by things that they would maybe want to have someday, someone to be with, to look after and care for and maybe JUST maybe if they are lucky enough, fall in love and for once be happy. But all of you who endorse this depressive holiday make them aware that they are still lonely and unloved, and the worst thing of all is no one can blame you for it.

Its not your fault they are without someone, of course it isn't, but its your fault that you apply the feeling of loneliness 10 times over and that is what makes this holiday so disgusting.

I started this post in the hopes of trying to make it a bit funny but I've just realised that its a lot darker than i thought it would have been, and i really don't give a fuck I'm really the only one that reads it anyway.

Its a holiday that can make or break a relationship with boyfriends and girlfriends, and its a holiday that can cause rifts in marriages, based on money at the end of the day. You think I'm bitter for writing this, and your probably right i am, but while i may not be in a relationship and i may be alone, I'm not buying anyones love.

My plans for Valentines day will be a bit less hectic anyway, i think I'm going to go get a few bottles of wine, dress my cats smartly and maybe stick on a few boyz 2 men songs and drink myself into a deep depression and moan to myself quietly. Sounds more appetising than what most other people will be doing, only the wine is a present to myself for not going out and sticking a knife in the faces of all those couples celebrating tomorrow.

Well done me. =]






On a lighter note, Why did the chicken cross the road?














To get to the flower shop and get an expensive bunch of flowers for valentines day (later on the chicken got shoved into the oven by his wife because the flowers were a bit shit)